There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
