I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is not my ceiling
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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