I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize