Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
