Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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