Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
