Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
