So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it glows. i had to have it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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