This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
