I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
