i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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