Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
