the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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