I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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