the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
