woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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