wrigley field is MILF paradise
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
