Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
