do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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