I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
