Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
