R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont even know how to be here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
