So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
