i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
