I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
