I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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