You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
