why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
