Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
