It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
