tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
