In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
