I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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