I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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