it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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