Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
pray to the hookup gods
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
