I think I won the penis lottery.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
