i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
