I want to walk on stilts...naked
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
