you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
