i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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