She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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