Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
