Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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