Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
