Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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