Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
