Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize