dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
