The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
