Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am one with the molecules
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
