can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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