Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize