Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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