i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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