I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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