It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
