Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
