Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
