Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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