i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
