You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
