Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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