Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
