The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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