That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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