I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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