yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
