Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
