dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
