I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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