Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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