Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize