you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like his penis was on wheels.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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