How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
