Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
