Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
