my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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