You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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